Seventh grade. And just some of the issues I have.

It was seventh grade. I wanted it to be the best year so I could cherish it, And remember it for the rest of my life. It was! I made a lot of friends, Had an amazing, Loving boyfriend, And I always got good grades! I laughed, And fooled around a lot. It was great! But then I got dumped. My grades were bad during every semester. Took me 6 months to get over him. When I finally did, Things were great! My grades were starting to get better. Til' one day I couldn't breathe. Every breath I had to gasp for air, Through my mouth. I took a shower, Thinking maybe after that it would go away, And my mom wouldnt have to worry. But when I got out and went into my room to change, The gasps of air were no longer good enough. I grabbed my inhaler. It didn't work. So I screamed for my mom, And she told me to rest. I did. I woke up the next morning for school, And it got better. But I still had to gasp for air. At school I noticed my right side was hurting. Not bad enough for my appendix. So I went to the nurse, And got sent home constantly for a week. Finally, I went to the doctors and got diagnosed with Mono. My grades went low from all the school work I was missing. I skipped a month of school. Still gasping for air. It was bad. I worked on my school work, And got it all done. And returned to school. Two weeks later I went to the doctors for my check up. And told her my side had been hurting. This time though, It was the left. She checked it, And said something was there. She said it was either a baby, Or a tumor. I got a note from her to go to the ER the next day for x-rays after school. I also mentioned my back pains, And side pains. She felt them and gave us a date for the back X-rays. My back pains were worse then my grandmother's. Pretty sad right? Also, I had problems with my heart. I had the worst heart pains imaginable. So that night I went to my dad's. And From about 9pm to 10:20pm I had an aching pain on my right side. I couldn't even move. So I layed down to relax. It got worse. I got up to get a drink and fell to the floor. I was balling my eyes out. I called my mom and told her, She told me to wake my dad up and have him bring me to the ER, And she would meet us there. By the time we left the ER it was about 5:00 am. Results came back the next day, And they told me I had several tumors on each of my ovaries. They said that the pains will be about the same as labor pains well I'm on my period. The problem with that was, I had er-regular periods every month. About three a month. Every period for about a week. I was only off my period for three days in between. I always struggled with cramps. They were so bad that I couldn't get up. So I started takig two pain reliever pills every day, And every night. When I asked my doctor for birth control pills she said no. So I had to struggle with the pain for most of my life. I failed school. An F in almost every class. I have to go to summer school because of it. I am so upset, Because it wasn't my fault I failed. I am going for surgery on my foot in the middle of eighth grade. I am hoping that doesn't tear me down. And I am still waiting on my results for my back pains. I want to have a good year in eighth grade.
So, Seventh grade didn't turn out as well as I had hoped. And I still get the sweatyness from the mono, And I still have neck pains, And every now and then I will have to gasp for air. And the pains from my ovaries are worse then ever. And I am still attempting to get on birth control.
Even though this isn't the life I had signed up for, It goes on. And even though these things try and stop me from doing things, I try to not let it effect me. I do as I can. I enjoy life. Because the struggles I went through this year helped me realize that life is to valuable to waste. So don't sit around on your laptop, Or in front of a TV your whole life. And don't wish for school to be over with, Because believe it or not, These are going to be the best years of your life. So enjoy it. Live it. Take risks, And if you fail, At least you tried. You don't want your life to end with you living with regrets. So don't do what people want you to do, And just go for it. It's your life. Live it. Because it goes by quicker then you think. And as you get older things will get harder.

My first real boyfriend ?

When I was 10 I was in love with a guy who I trusted. I could tell him anything and I knew he would keep it. But one day at school his ex girlfriend came up to me. She told me it wasn't safe. She said nothing was safe when it came to him. Her exact words from what I remember were 'Run as fast as you can before it's to late. It isn't safe, He will hurt you. You won't get away' I didn't understand. She walked away before she gave me the chance.  I talked to my boyfriend and told him what had happend. He said she's upset because she wants to get back together. Stupid b***h left me. Don't listen. I replied with 'Okay.' She moved a week later. Nobody knew why. Nobody knew where. It was kinda like she vanished. I let it go, Thinking maybe it was recent and she didn't have time to tell people, or say goodbye. And let it go. As 2 months went by I swore I was in love. I went to his house for the first time, And we were alone. He was so upset. I tried to comfort him. But he hit me. So hard that I felt as if I couldn't breathe. He looked me straight in the eye and said 'I'm sorry.' I let it go. This accidental hitting kept coming. Getting worse. My bestfriend knew. Everytime she asked how I got that bruise I would think of an excuse. 'Fell down the stairs', 'I tripped', 'Ran into the door again..' . After a few weeks she stopped believing me.
He wanted to see me. He said parents were there. So I got dropped off. And again, We were alone. I was so scared. My heart was beating. He told me that he loved me. He asked if I loved him, And I nodded my head yes. He told me not to be afraid. All I can remember was the shushing of his lips. He touched me. So many differnt places, and ways possible. I couldn't breathe. I then Understood what his ex had meant. When she said 'Run away before it's to late' she was warning me of what he was capable of doing. But it was to late and I was too afraid to run. He would text me and tell me to send pictures. 'No' Wasn't a good enough answer. I sent them. I was dead inside. I wanted to leave but I couldn't. He hurt me with words. Anything he could hurt me with he would say it, Or do it. Finally my friend ended it. She said if he didn't leave me alone she would call '911' . Surprisingly he left me alone.
He ruined my life. I can no longer love people without being afraid. I can no longer trust people as easy, Every relationship I am just so afraid of the same thing happening to me. His face is my nightmare. I wanted him dead. I wanted to kill him, I wanted him gone. I learned karate to end it. I swore I was gonna kill him. But then I let go. I forgave him for what he had done. I am just so thankful that I am still here. And that I left him. People ask me why I stayed for so long, Why ? Because he told me that if I ever left him, He would find me, And he would kill me. And from this day I truly believe that he would have.
His ex girlfriend is alive, And okay. And I am thankful. She warned me. She had saved my life.
If I could get the chance, I would thank her.

Him.

When I was thirteen I met the guy of my dreams. Love at first site. I didn't even know him, But somehow I did. It was like instantly I just.. Knew him. On May 21st 2011 We ran into eachother at Walmart. When I saw him, My heart sank. Melted to the ground. It was a feeling I have never experienced before. We started dating. And it was great. I was so happy, Happier then ever. He was sweet, Nice, Funny, Everything I could ever ask for, And more. But things went wrong. My bestfriend liked him too. I didn't want to hurt her, But the feelings I had for this guy were just to strong to let slip away. So I ended up hurting her. Everyone disagreed with us being together. His step sister hated me. Everyday, Her and her friends did everything in their power to break us up. And one day, They succeeded. He left. I didn't even know what to do. I walked around in his sweatshirt crying. Everyday for a week. If that wasn't bad enough, He and my bestfriend were seeing eachother. I was crushed. Whenever someone asked what was wrong all I could say was 'You wouldn't understand.' or 'It's confusing.' I lost the guy Who I thought was the one. I truly loved him. People would tell me 'It's just lust.' But I knew it wasn't. What I felt for this boy was stronger then 'lust'. I was in love.
Finally, I moved on. And I was happy. This other guy made me laugh, and He was always on my mind. But whenever my ex talked to me, I cried, I would miss him all over again. I told him how I felt constantly. He would reply with 'Oh' Or 'I'm sorry'. I wanted him. I needed him. He was the one for me. I knew he had to be.
On July 6th 2011 we got back together. He kept telling me he loved me, And would never listen to what anyone would say again. He told me that he swore I was the one for him. I was again, The happiest girl alive. I can tell him anything, Everything. And he would always be there for me to help me through it. Yes, I lost my bestfriend. Which hurts me more then ever as life continues going on. But if getting our friendship back means leaving this boy I will not do it. He's my soulmate.One day we will make up. But for now I am just thankful to have my world back. Nothing is better then being in his arms. I truly love him. And that will never change.

Divorce. Some of it.

I was 10. Life was perfect. I had the perfect family, perfect friends. Perfect house. It was all everything I could have ever hoped for.  There were a few car accidents. Serious ones. But nothing that harmed the family we had. Who would have thought that a knock on the head with a small glass giraffe could change a man ? Well. It did.
One day when I was home from school, I couldn't wait to tell my daddy about the day I had. But when I walked up my drive way, My mom was crying and on the phone trying to get a hold of my dad. My brother was teary-eyed, and my little sister didn't know what was even going on. The only thing I could think of doing was going inside. I went into his bedroom, And everything was gone. HIs wardrobe, His clothes, His T.v. Everything. My dad left. Vanished without a trace. I didn't understand. He went to work, And filed for a divore the same day. Didn't tell anyone. For my 11th birthday, We shared a party together. With the whole family. It was the last party we all had together. A few months later my mom met someone. And we all moved to the worst town possible Farmington NH. We bought a crappy trailer. I lost my beautiful house. And all my friends. A year later, My father was going to get my brother. And my mom and him got into a fight. My dad came back crying, With a torn shirt, and a broken GPS. The police were involved. Stories were made. I wasn't allowed to see my father for 2 months. That was hard on ' daddy's little girl.' He wasn't allowed to see my mother for a year. Well, 2 months later, I was still hoping for a happy ending to my use to be perfect family. But my father had moved on to the one girl who crushed our family. They moved to Rochester NH. Things kept getting worse. My father changed after that day. And I'm not just saying that. I mean he actually changed. This was all going down on a 12 year old girl. And now, I am thirteen. Almost fourteen. And recently had the biggest fight with my father. And I felt horrible. A week later, I heard he was moving away with his beloved fiance' and her 3 kids to Florida. He is leaving his own children behind for a life away from my mother. He is taking away a lot of child support money, On purpose. He doesn't even care. His Fiance' tore our family apart. Tore me away from my family and friends, And my perfect life. And now, Is permantly taking my father away from me. What will daddy's little girl do without her father there ? Guess we'll have to find out. I could write so many more problems we had. More to do with the police. And even more issues we had in between what I had said. But I won't. It would take to long. I am now currently living with my mom, Brother, Sister, My mom's boyfriend, And his son in a small two bedroom trailer in Farmington NH that always runs out of hot water and heat. And has a caved roof. With no money, Because of my dad. And his fiance'. I will always love him and remain daddy's little girl. I hope to remember all the good he did in the past before his accidents. Before he changed.