Thursday, July 14, 2011

My first real boyfriend ?

When I was 10 I was in love with a guy who I trusted. I could tell him anything and I knew he would keep it. But one day at school his ex girlfriend came up to me. She told me it wasn't safe. She said nothing was safe when it came to him. Her exact words from what I remember were 'Run as fast as you can before it's to late. It isn't safe, He will hurt you. You won't get away' I didn't understand. She walked away before she gave me the chance.  I talked to my boyfriend and told him what had happend. He said she's upset because she wants to get back together. Stupid b***h left me. Don't listen. I replied with 'Okay.' She moved a week later. Nobody knew why. Nobody knew where. It was kinda like she vanished. I let it go, Thinking maybe it was recent and she didn't have time to tell people, or say goodbye. And let it go. As 2 months went by I swore I was in love. I went to his house for the first time, And we were alone. He was so upset. I tried to comfort him. But he hit me. So hard that I felt as if I couldn't breathe. He looked me straight in the eye and said 'I'm sorry.' I let it go. This accidental hitting kept coming. Getting worse. My bestfriend knew. Everytime she asked how I got that bruise I would think of an excuse. 'Fell down the stairs', 'I tripped', 'Ran into the door again..' . After a few weeks she stopped believing me.
He wanted to see me. He said parents were there. So I got dropped off. And again, We were alone. I was so scared. My heart was beating. He told me that he loved me. He asked if I loved him, And I nodded my head yes. He told me not to be afraid. All I can remember was the shushing of his lips. He touched me. So many differnt places, and ways possible. I couldn't breathe. I then Understood what his ex had meant. When she said 'Run away before it's to late' she was warning me of what he was capable of doing. But it was to late and I was too afraid to run. He would text me and tell me to send pictures. 'No' Wasn't a good enough answer. I sent them. I was dead inside. I wanted to leave but I couldn't. He hurt me with words. Anything he could hurt me with he would say it, Or do it. Finally my friend ended it. She said if he didn't leave me alone she would call '911' . Surprisingly he left me alone.
He ruined my life. I can no longer love people without being afraid. I can no longer trust people as easy, Every relationship I am just so afraid of the same thing happening to me. His face is my nightmare. I wanted him dead. I wanted to kill him, I wanted him gone. I learned karate to end it. I swore I was gonna kill him. But then I let go. I forgave him for what he had done. I am just so thankful that I am still here. And that I left him. People ask me why I stayed for so long, Why ? Because he told me that if I ever left him, He would find me, And he would kill me. And from this day I truly believe that he would have.
His ex girlfriend is alive, And okay. And I am thankful. She warned me. She had saved my life.
If I could get the chance, I would thank her.

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